Encyclopedia of Children's Health

[boyerme]

If anyone has any insite on my problem, please reply. My daughter is 14 and an only child. She hasn't seen her father is 7 years since we divorced. He has chosen to drop out of her life because he doesn't want to pay child support. Now that she has started High School, a lot of issues have arrised. I just enrolled her in counseling and they are prescribing medication. In the mean time, things are miserable for her and myself. She is very needy now and I'm feeling suffocated because I am doing all that I know how and nothing helps. I am pasting notes I'm writing to give her couselor some insight. My daughter often worries I could get sick, have an accident or die. She feels abandoned emotionally if I have any other interest besides her such as a new relationship. She worries if I’m a minute late from work and calls me repeatedly. If I’m away, she wants to know every detail about where I am going, who I will be with and what we’ll be doing. She get’s jealous of me doing anything that doesn’t include her. She says it hurts her and makes her angry to see affection between a boyfriend and myself (i.e. holding hands, hug or a kiss). She doesn’t understand why I’m not happy with “just her”. She says she wants it to be “just us”. As it is right now, I only see my boyfriend one night each weekend (sometimes less). I can’t have him stop by my house for even a minute or she gets furious. She feels bad that she feels this way because she knows I want to have a relationship. Lately she has said “she hates herself because of how she is”, and feels like she’s ruining everything and feels “useless” and that her life isn’t worth living.

Although I am trying to constantly reassure, encourage and give her all the attention I can, it doesn’t seem to help her. She’s even bothered if I’m awake longer than her at night. Often times I go to bed at the same time she does just so I can make sure she gets her sleep. If I know she’s tired, and tell her to go to bed at 8 or 9, she tries to get me to go to bed also. If I tell her I will later, she stays away until she knows I’m in bed.

She’s always been very sensitive, but now she seems over sensitive about everything. Her grandma and I have to walk on egg shells around her because we fear that she will take something the wrong way and get upset.

[Tonell21]

Hi,

When i was 2 years old my mother and father separated, and ever since then he has continued to be absent in my life. Everytime I see him he always fills me with lies about how he is going to call me and catch up with me and everything. I am 19 years old now, and while i have gotten over it, partially, there was a time when I was just like your daughter. All that I can really tell you is that she isn't realizing that you are going through a hard time as well. I hope she is doing better.
I wouldn't let people in at all, and I just let it get worse and worse. i never told my mom or anyone what i was feeling and it just got worse and worse until all i could think about what cutting and dying. Ya know? I thought that was my destiny, my end. But, everything changed. it's a gradual process for sure, but it will get better. Just be there for her. hold her. That helps more than she will ever admit. And listen to her. She's got alot to say.

[boyerme]

Hi Tonell21,

Thanks so much for your response. Since my last posting, my daughter has come around and actually likes my boyfriend. He practically lives with us now and I think she even likes it because it makes me in a better mood. She has gotten worse in other ways though. She gets really sad and depressed about her own father though. She said she found him on myspace and wants to write him. I know that all he is going to do is make things worse on her and fill her head with lies. Last month she cut at her wrist and said she felt suicidal and said she feels worthless and that life isn't worth living. I hold her and encourage her as much as possible and take her to lots of counseling. Things are fine with her when she has something to be happy about, but if not, she gets down all over again. She said cutting was stupid and she won't do it again, but she still feels the same. I hope things will get better for her in time. Thanks for your thoughts. I really appreciate it!

[Tonell21]

Oh its no problem. Thanks to you too. its good that you take her to counseling. i'm really glad she has come around though. Maybe the other parts of it are mostly teenage blues. You are a great mother.

[sarabon007]

oh don't be frustrated....
i can understand your anxiety.....
you better try to meet her.....

[vantheo]

After reading all the details from you, please don't get frustrated. You know when you love her show her that you care for her alot and only her. Then even if you go to meet anyone she would probably won't mind. Tell her that you care for her alot and love her. Probably its not a problem because she is young and she have no one else to share with or care for her. I hope more attention would make her less possessive.